Everything is wrong, it just feels out of place.
The broken ruins of my soul have come back to haunt me and cause great unease.
No Comfort, nowhere to be safe.
A battlefield in my mind foreshadows my demise.
I am helpless, the past inescapable.
I don't know where to go, where to turn.
My wants and needs are thrown aside.
I am trapped in a state of despair. Unable to let go of the past brings upon struggles and difficulties.
These thoughts strangle my good ones that beg to come through.
For I need a breakthrough to light, to happiness.
The broken ruins of my soul have come back to haunt me and--terrific line! I would have made this the opening line
ReplyDeleteA battlefield in my mind foreshadows my demise.--another great line!
These 2 lines are great examples of showing, not telling. I think the rest of your poem relies a bit too much on telling the reader rather than showing the reader.